Attention Please!

In front of two television stations and several newspaper reporters, Mr. and Mrs. Digory Donkey tied the knot! It seemed like a simple concept to me. Tomorrow's Rainbow was the new kid on the block as far as non-profits go, so if you want to get noticed, do something a little outrageous. I believed that it was the perfect plan to wake up a community that had all but ignored grieving children. WRONG! The donkeys became more famous, but our mission to support grieving children and their families did not.

Consider these staggering numbers:
When children are supported during their grief journey, they are...
~5 times less likely to complete suicide (USDHHS, Bureau of Census)
~10 times less likely to engage in substance abuse (Rainbows for all God's Children, UK)
~20 times less likely to develop behavioral disorders (Center for Disease Control, US)

What made me tear up my wedding dress from 1986 and remodel it for a donkey? I wanted to get our community's attention. Digory, Duchess, and the entire Tomorrow's Rainbow herd are great ambassadors for grieving children, but they need your help. It's time we all start talking about the forgotten mourners, grieving children, and get some real attention...PLEASE!

Who Makes This Stuff Up?

I get absolutely nuts when people are praised for being a pillar of strength when a loved one dies. Who decided that strength and stoicism

were the barometers for successful grieving?

Oprah once had some gentlemen on her show that had experienced the death of their father at a young age. She was so impressed that the very next day they were back at school. Why was that deserving of praise?

Liam Neeson and his son's Michael, 13, and Daniel, 12, were recently praised for showing "remarkable public poise" after the death of Natasha Richardson. Who decided that public poise is something to be complimented?

In my opinion, giving kudos to those that grieve in nice, neat packages is hurtful and harmful. I suppose that it would be nice if volcanos never actually erupted, but they do. Their energy can't be contained forever. Well, grief energy can't be contained forever either - even if non-grievers would feel more comfortable with us being "poised." And does that make those of us that display our emotions more openly, a total failure at grief? There simply isn't a reason to applaud or judge how somebody grieves. Being open, supportive and present for them is a much better use of your time.

Accolades are for accomplishments. Grief is a part of life that hurts really, really, really bad. A grieving person does not need, nor do they deserve, a report card.

We Don't Bite!

Walking a mile in someone's moccasins would sure be helpful! Especially if that person had just experienced the death of a loved one. Taking their footsteps would give us an advantage in knowing how to "be" with them. But each pair of moccasins has been uniquely worn, and no matter how hard we try, we won't know how that pair feels to its true owner. If the shoe fits, wear it. If not, ask!

I have the priviledge of learning each and every day from some very special children and their families. For young children, experiences such as being bullied because their loved one died, are common. Grieving teenagers are often annoyed by peers pretending to be supportive, or saying, "I know how you feel." And since I fit into the adult category, I will share from my own experience...unless you have E.S.P., you'll never be able to figure out what we want because at any given time, we could be dazed, confused or we'll change our minds!

I believe that empowering those that are grieving is one of the greatest means of support you can offer. Throw away those assumptions! Ask. Listen. Be present. You might just be surprised at how different those moccasins are than what you've been taught, experienced, or expected.

It makes me laugh when toddlers close their eyes to make someone go away!
It makes me sad when people that have experienced the death of a loved one are treated with the same naivety. Together, we can do a better job of supporting those in mourning. Will you please join me? My moccasin's feel amazing and your's can too!